Stricken with insomnia, I return to my blog after a long absence and find I have lost the ability to write a coherent paragraph.

Hi.

I love kindergarten. Do you know, they take your child away on the bus first thing in the morning, teach her things all day? And she comes home all full of ideas and able to write out long words like COMPUDRS and LALEPAP and I WAT TO GO TO RIVRSID PRC and I LIK TO RED and she teaches her little sister to push in her chair after every meal. She is content and I am content and it is all pretty copacetic except that we all get up at 6:01 every morning (“and the news is next”) and this has caused me to sink even deeper into caffeine addiction, which just might be contributing to my present difficulty sleeping.

In five days I will leave for this insanely luxurious two week solitary writing retreat, and I feel so lucky about it I am convinced that tragedy will befall my loved ones in my absence. I have also spent a ridiculous amount of time amassing the proper spiral notebooks and bags of coffee beans and inspiring-but-not-too-intimidating reading material and what not. I can hardly picture it. Can you picture being alone for 14 days?

The other half of my big lucky writing year is I’m in this mentoring program where over 10 months I and 11 other “emerging writers” will be working with a series of mentors who are established writers and good teachers and it is all a little overwhelming although lucky lucky lucky and rich. So far, I have mostly been thrilled about emailing with the mentors and tracking down the various remarkable books they have suggested or commanded that we all read. And then there was one horrible meet-and-greet type potluck thing with all the participants plus the three mentors we’ll be working most closely with, and it felt for all the world like the effing first episode of “The Bachelor.” You know, everyone with their little gimmick and ‘wow’ line, vying for the first impression rose. I, what with my ridiculous face and inability to say even one single coherent sentence the entire evening, did not receive the first impression rose and it pushed all my school buttons pretty hard. This whole thing is going to be quite the experience in school buttons. Among other, better things. I am optimistic.

It has recently come to my attention that Certain People (helloooooo, neighbor!) have been reading this blog without announcing themselves! Without telling me! Even though we see each other often! Etc.! And it occurred to me that my online whereabouts and whoabouts may be easier to track down than I’d assumed. And this isn’t  meant to be a secret blog, at least not since I’ve lost my shame about not always loving being a mama (unless you are my parents, about whose reading my writing I am still always a little squicky). So if you are here, and you know me, could you maybe just shoot me a little comment or email, or, hey, maybe just say it face to face next time you see me? I’m glad you’re here, I really am … I’d just like to know who you are. Besides, that way I won’t bore you with repeat stories in person. Probably.

Other than that, my largest problem right now is that my husband has embarked on a no-bar-soap campaign in order to avoid soap scum on the shower curtain. Soap scum! About which I have ruffled nary a brain fold. We are collectively against scary scoury-type cleaners, so we end up (ok, he ends up) doing this big dance with the shower curtain and a scrub brush and the washing machine every so often and ultimately replacing the thing. Blah. Blah blah. So the theory is that shower gel and such will meet our bodily cleaning needs without The Scum, only I find showering without a bar of soap deeply unsatisfying. Do you hear me? Deeply. Unsatisfying. Plus, I am leery about all the fragrances and moisturizers and such, and actually prefer to clean and moisturize in sequence rather than concurrently. I don’t know, do you have any ideas for me? Perhaps a loofah?

I’ve missed you, really. And just so you know, I’ve been reading your blog, too. Probably.

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6 thoughts on “Stricken with insomnia, I return to my blog after a long absence and find I have lost the ability to write a coherent paragraph.

  1. Oh God I hate it when people read my blog, who know me, and I don’t know they read it. Very squicky.

    As for the soap scum, why not just get a new shower curtain every so often? Aren’t they a dollar at the dollar tree? Or are you worried about the off-gassing and the environment and stuff? If so I do recommend shower gel when applied to a shower poof.

    1. Yeah, it’s the off-gassing and the environment and the futzing with the silly metal rings, and the fact we are particular about our shower curtains and requires a drive to a suburban mega-box-bath-bed-etc. type store to find the type we like.

  2. I don’t know you in real life, but I wish I did!

    I realize that anyone who does know me in real life and comes across my blog will see through my thin veneer of anonymity pretty quickly, so I always write as if anyone I mention is reading. Which is good, but sometimes I long for a truly anonymous place to complain about things like how my husband just sucks at middle of the night parenting. And I love him and everything, but when he does something useless and ultimately sleep-inhibiting in the middle of the night I swear I want to punch him.

    OK, there. I feel better. (Why, yes, this did happen last night. What gave it away?)

    On the soap scum- how do you feel about Neutrogena? It rinses cleaner than most soaps.

    What about those passive shower cleaner sprays? You spray it on after every shower and then the soap scum magically melts away. I can tell you that they do actually work IF (and only if) you remember to spray them on. They don’t do much sitting in the bottle in your shower. I’ll bet you could even make your own with something like vinegar. You’d have to experiment a little with that, though. (Unless someone on the internetz already has….)

    And could you find the shower curtains online? Saving you the drive, but not really doing anything for the environment.

    1. I wish I knew you in real life, too, Cloud!

      I’ve always had the same policy (write as though everyone I know is reading–er, except my mother), even back when really *nobody* I knew was reading.

      And Neutrogena! This is a bar soap, no? I will have to propose this to my soap-scum-fighting spouse. Perhaps we can negotiate a truce in the soap war.

  3. Yes, Neutrogena comes in a bar soap. It is in fact what I use to wash my face every night. Lasts waaaaaay longer than all those fancy cleaners I used to use, and does just as good a job. And like I said- it rinses really clean.

    You can also tell your husband that we use shower gels and still have soap scum. Some of it is just unavoidable, I think.

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