Things I would have written today if I used Twitter:

Revising complaint letter to awful children’s dentist…replacing “half-assed” with “insincere” and “piss-poor” with “unacceptable”.

Peered at bathtub turd like a medium reading tea leaves for several seconds before realizing I didn’t actually want to know whose it was that badly.

Purchasing an ark’s worth of Schleich animals to bribe Ingrid to poop on the potty.

Also, a case of size six diapers.

Ingrid’s first really good poem:
Corn, corn, what do you say?
I put a spoon on my tray!

One day I will look back with nostalgia at my evening routine of rinsing the sand out of my lilypadz.

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2 thoughts on “Things I would have written today if I used Twitter:

  1. No way! Really?!

    (I am a little bit proud of not knowing that, actually. Newfangled twitter nonsense..grumble, grumble.)

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